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Learn How To Say NO Nicely

Being able to say NO without causing offence is a great skill to have. Here's are seven useful strategies to pass on to your clients (and use yourself) on how to say NO elegantly to requests and take back control of your life.

Quick Links

1. Why say NO and not yes?

2. Eight elegant ways to say NO

3. A helpful time management tool

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Why is Learning to Say NO Important For Your Clients?

Learning how to say no can mean saying 'maybe' more often.

Not being willing to say NO often comes from a need to please and a fear of rejectionIn many life coaching issues it's important to be able to identify this need and educate your clients on the importance of saying NO if they are to have their life as they want it.

Not saying NO can mean that a person can find they have said YES so often to the needs of others they have done very little of what they really wanted to get done themselves.

Saying NO can also help you as the coach stick to your own boundaries if client becomes over demanding, such as wanting excessive contact between sessions or asking for a discount coaching rate.

So lets' discuss some ways of how to say NO firmly without giving offence.

Eight Ways To Say No Elegantly And Productively

There are ways of saying NO that can harm relationships and/or cause offence. And there are ways of saying NO so elegantly, that the person does not feel put out that they have been refused. These strategies can be used both with family and at work.

1. Take your time before answering a request 'Yes' or 'No':

If the response “YES” to a request is automatic for you, practice stalling for time by substituting it with something like “I’m not sure if that will work, can I get back to you in a couple of hours/days?”

2. Avoid a YES being assumed:
Even if you have asked for time to answer, be careful not to give the impression that your answer will be most likely be yes sothe person asking goes away feeling it is already a done deal. They may feel more let down and maybe annoyed if it turns out to be NO.

Keep your tone neutral and non-committal, or even veer on the side of a refusal. The time taken to come up with your answer will allow you to ponder on the following questions and make a wise decision:

How will doing this extra task affect my focus on doing the really important things I need to do to achieve my own important tasks, goals and outcomes?
What is the real benefit I will get personally/professionally if I agree to do this (especially if it is a voluntary project)? How important is it to me?
If I agree to this, will I be giving up precious time that could be spent on my goals, with my family or on leisure activities and renewing my energy?
Do I really want to/have to do this?

These questions are about making it OK to have your needs and what you want to do, at least as important as the needs and requests of others.

3. Two ways of saying No elegantly:

' I'd love to help but it just doesn’t work for me to do that now, but can I suggest…(and come up with someone else who may be able to help).If asked why it doesn’t work, avoid getting drawn into a long explanation which could lead to counter arguments and you giving in and saying YES.Keep repeating 'It really just doesn’t work for me right now'.
’Id love to help but I have a lot on at the moment and really couldn't do justice to what you need'
Then firmly explain why you really couldn’t do justice to what is needed and if they persist go back to 'it really doesn't work for me'.

4. Overloaded at work?
It can seem almost impossible to know how to Say NO in a work situation, especially if you are really good at juggling multiple tasks and also want to look good.

These suggestions may help you say NO at work and avoid overwhelm and burnout.

Learn how to say no diplomatically to avoid overwhelm at work.

Say something like, 'I can’t see how I can fit this in for when you want it done in addition to what you have already requested. Where would you prefer I direct my attention?'

5. Hand back prioritising to the person asking:

If you are working for more than one person, and they all want to be your priority you can become overwhelmed and resentful.

I'd suggest throwing the decision of what is the most important back to them too sort out. And if you feel overloaded, ask if they could find someone else to help.

When I was young I worked in a PR company as a secretary to two of the busiest consultants who always wanted everything first and in a hurry. Despite the pressure, I actually loved the job.

There were other consultants not nearly as busy and their secretaries would often sit reading and knitting whilst I was in overwhelm often working through my lunch hour.

Yes, the other secretaries could have offered to help, but they didn't, and in those days, I didn't have the skills or the confidence to stand up for myself and say NO elegantly or insist I got some help.

However, if your client finds the idea or experience of saying NO to someone, personally or at work is too stressful, it could be time to assess whether this is a work environment or relationship that really works for them.

6. When You Really Want to Say Yes - But Not Over-commit:
Sometimes you are asked to do something you would really like to get involved with but don’t have the time. When this happens, suggest or ask how you can contribute in a way that works for you in the time you want to commit. This will keep you involved but on your terms.

7. Be sympathetic but firm:
In all your newly acquired ways of how to say NO, be sympathetic but firm. Don’t over apologise for your NO. Show empathy for their situation but in a way that lets them know your mind will not be changed.

8. Unwanted phone calls
Being willing to take phone calls when it is not really convenient can be a tricky one to say NO to. One solution is to turn the phone off until it is convenient to talk. If it's important they will leave a message and you can have a quick listen before you choose (or not) to call back.

If you do answer and want to end the call quickly, try these.

I've only got a minute as I am just going out

I really can't talk now can I call you back

Remember the person at the other end who keeps talking and doesn't get the message is putting their needs before yours.

Be willing to firmly end the call and if necessary hang up.

I hope you have found these suggestions for saying NO helpful. This is just one of the personal success strategies in my book Mastering the Art of Goals Coaching to help you help your coaching clients achieve their goals faster and with less stress.

Help To Say No With This Time Management Tool

Coaching Tools Company Activity Tracker package for managing time.

9 Brandable products to take charge of time

If saying NO and lack of time has been a problem for your client, they will find The Coaching Tools Company Time Management and Productivity Kit which includes an Activity Tracker. All can be branded to your coaching business.

As well as finding the Activity Tracker really useful for myself, my clients loved it. Rather rather than just answering random questions about where their time was going, the templates in the kit really gives a reality on what takes up time and how to make positive changes.

The bottom line for you and your clients is that learning to say NO confidently can move you forward towards having work life balance and achieving your faster than saying YES to everything.

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